Isolation during the Postpartum? What if we created our village?

By Jade Rexach, nurse, training to become a perinatal support worker.

Photo credit: Alexandra Murcia & Eclore Maternité

The postpartum, this unknown and very little discussed period, but which is starting to be talked about! It is important to me to address this period in childbirth preparations because it also deserves to be prepared, thought about, and anticipated. It is a subject that is little talked about before birth, but many mothers feel a feeling of loneliness after childbirth.

You may have already heard this saying: “it takes a whole village to raise a child”.

To raise a child, certainly, but to accompany and support the mother in postpartum, it also seems quite appropriate to me. By village, one must understand here, circle of support, kindness, cocoon of softness and warmth.

I suggest you no longer live through this period alone and gather your village.

Postpartum loneliness

After the arrival of baby, one can feel alone, doubt our abilities to be a mother, to take care of this little person completely dependent on us to meet their primary needs. And then we wonder how to find a new balance in the household, if we will get back to " our life before ". Thanks to our library full of books on motherhood, we know that a birth will shake us up, that we may be discouraged, and sometimes even cry. But we didn't think we could feel this terrible feeling of loneliness.

Photo credit @freyia.photography

Myth to deconstruct

Each generation has given birth to and raised children in different contexts, environments, mentalities, and demands. There is, I think, a whole work to be done around the patterns and representations of what it means to "be a good mother, be good parents". Our grandmothers, our mothers will have a different way of seeing things because they lived a different life from ours. They were probably often alone taking care of the children and the household while the father was absent or at work.

But they didn't know that screens to keep children occupied all afternoon could be harmful to them, that heating plastic dishes in the microwave was bad for health. They also didn't make their own homemade applesauce with the requirement of organic fruits, all while coming home from work. It's not about comparing everything, but about understanding and accepting that times change and the way of living and doing things changes too. The idea that today women might feel the need to be helped and supported may seem strange to previous generations, and sometimes even seem to reflect a certain " incompetence ". Well no, that's not true.

@freyia.photography

We are not useless, incompetent, or bad mothers because we accept to ask for help or involve our partners. Fathers are not less manly because they sweep or scrub the toilets... So let's be kind to ourselves. Let's accept to ask for help, appreciate the support and presence, because we will need it postpartum. When you return from the maternity ward, you can then focus on what is important to you: resting, eating, enjoying moments with your baby skin-to-skin, creating a bond with them.

Organize your village

Creating your postnatal village means thinking about your needs and what you can delegate. It can be shopping, meal preparation, accompanying older children to school, daycare, or their activities, taking care of plants, the garden, walking the dog, doing laundry, cleaning...

Photo credit: Pinterest

Each household, considering its lifestyle habits, will have needs that are unique to it. I suggest listing your needs in order of priority. Opposite, note the available solidarities (friends, family, neighbors, postpartum caterer, cleaning help from the agency you have chosen...) who can intervene.

This is a reflection to be done as a couple, with family or friends...

However, it is increasingly common for our families to be geographically distant. If you are on good terms with your family/in-laws, it might be interesting for some members to come to your home. It could be a weekend, a week, a month, a weekend every two weeks, who knows, and to think together about the necessary conditions for this to be possible, and within an acceptable measure for you.

And if this physical support is not possible, communicate and make your loved ones understand that this physical support can be replaced by material and financial help. For example, with a postpartum fund, help for a postpartum caterer, or the intervention of a cleaning lady on the birth list... Part of the PAJE could be used to finance this help, or some mutual insurance companies pay a birth bonus.

It's essential to think about it early, but the actual organization of the setup should be done in the last trimester, when you are round, heavy, and everyone is ready to help you and give up their seat on public transport. Because as time passes, solidarities fade and everyone's availability doesn't necessarily last. This will save you unnecessary disappointments.

Support circle

@alexandramurcia.photographe

Creating your village and overcoming loneliness also means building new connections and creating a circle of exchange and sharing.

This applies to all parents, especially those whose family is geographically isolated.

Find out about baby-related activities (baby massage, baby sign language, baby swimming...) offered near you. It will be an opportunity to exchange with other parents who are also experiencing a birth and who are probably going through the same things as you.

Also look for community places around parenting that exist (LAEP, Super mamans France...), meetups around breastfeeding (La Leche League, l’Or blanc allaitement...), or stroller cafés.

Create connections, engage, and meet other parents!

I hope this article has given you some food for thought to consider your postpartum and reduce the loneliness associated with this period. Of course, no pressure to "succeed in your postpartum" at all costs.

Being informed, preparing helps limit unpleasant surprises, and having resources and solutions at hand for more peace of mind. Let's keep in mind that the postpartum period remains an incredible time of discovery. Let's not make this preparation and anticipation a source of stress, nor an opportunity to create a new injunction towards women!

you. It will be an opportunity to exchange with other parents who are also experiencing a birth and who are probably going through the same things as you.

Also look for parenting-related community places that exist (LAEP, Super mamans France...), breastfeeding meetups (La Leche League, l’Or blanc allaitement...), or stroller cafés.
Create connections, engage, and meet other parents!

I hope this article has given you some food for thought to consider your postpartum and reduce the loneliness associated with this period. Of course, no pressure to "succeed in your postpartum" at all costs.

Being informed, preparing helps limit unpleasant surprises, and having resources and solutions at hand for more peace of mind. Let's keep in mind that the postpartum period remains an incredible time of discovery. Let's not make this preparation and anticipation a source of stress, nor an opportunity to create a new injunction towards women!